I have struggled with anxiety my whole life. I have never been clinically diagnoses, yet I haven't sought that out either. I'm sure if I did I would be diagnosed.
My whole life I have functioned on a very hyper active activity of desiring everything to be perfect, needing everything to go as planned or I feel disappointed, frustrated, and even worse angry.
Yet I began to realize that I was always exhausted.
It felt like everyone else was getting ahead even though they would call me to dump their problems on me.
Yet then I'd be left with nothing left to give into my life.
Well I noticed this pattern and started to research anxiety.
Anxiety from Google is the feeling of fear, dread, and uneasiness.
I began to realize I was fearful what my friends would think if I didn't answer the phone immediately.
I was uneasy if I didn't answer the phone or text message what someone might think.
I was uneasy if someone said we'd hang out on Friday at 7pm, if they would actually show up or not.
After I would have a great hang out with someone I would fear that I messed everything up or that they thought I was a bad person.
I mean it was almost like every text message, every phone call, every client interaction I would second guess myself wondering if I messed everything up and go into a whole spiral of thoughts, calling all my friends about it, then I would be left exhausted and needing to take a nap and before you know it I didn't get what I needed to get done before the end of the day.
Well about 18 months ago I really begin to take it very seriously that I wanted to heal my anxiety and understand why I functioned on such a high nervous state.
I felt like everyone else around me was always so calm and I would be unable to understand why everyone was so calm when people are dying in the world, wars are going on, child are being harmed.
I would be screaming at my friends, "what is wrong with you, how do you not feel the pain of what is happening in this world?"
Luckily my friends knew I was going through an upgrade or an episode yet I wanted to learn how to move through anxiety more expansively as it began to come up more and more.
I then began to realize that there was a pattern of when my anxiety arose and I began to see that anxiety was actually activating a spiritual gift for me to thrive.
So I want to share with you how I've learned how to better manage my anxiety, use it as a spiritual gift, and most importantly feel relief when my emotions feel out of control.